Remaining Authentic in Boundary Setting
“How do boundaries correlate with authenticity”
Boundaries are set in order to protect ourselves, guard ourselves, keep ourselves healthy, allow us to get the help we need, ext.. (there are a multitude of reasons). Achieving and sustaining recovery, and relationships with friends/family, often require limits be set. Which is a very vulnerable act to accomplish.
In setting a boundary there first has to be the understanding that a boundary is needed. This implies that “I must be authentic enough with myself to know that what currently exists, is not working for me, and I accept that I need a safe guard or boundary to protect myself.” This also invokes some mindfulness techniques and an ability to embrace vulnerability.
The second part of setting a boundary is defining what the boundary needs to be. This implies that “I am authentic enough with myself to know my limits, and yes, I have limits.” Trust me, we all have limits. We all can only handle so much of certain things, certain people, certain environments and we ALL have to set limits in order to take care of ourselves.
The third part of setting a boundary is letting those effected by the boundary know it has been set. This implies that “I am authentic enough to let others know that I am not okay right now, and I need a boundary, which may effect my relational dynamics with them, and I am okay with that. And I am aware that their reactions/response to this boundary is not my issue, but theirs.”
The fourth part of setting a boundary is actually adhering to the boundary. This is much easier typed than lived. Adhering to boundaries requires a willingness to be vulnerable and handle an, at times, uncomfortable level of distress. This is a good chance to grow trust in yourself, and put those DBT tolerance skills into practice.