Why am I so competitive?

Have you ever asked yourself,

“Why am I so competitive?

Since I was young, a part of my identity has been my “love” for competition. I always wanted, needed, to be engaged in competition. This was reflected in my life through sports, religion, relationships, school, career, “following the perfect life timeline”. For me, being engaged in competition did not mean I had to be perfect, or even the best, it was about meeting a need, many needs. Competition was a symptom of scarcity and a solution for unmet needs.

Scarcity Mindset Unpacked - melinda

1 - Lack of trust in yourself

Competition can be a false way we build trust in ourselves. It is a product of testing your limits, over and over again. Searching for, realizing, and pushing limits. After all, is this not the heart of competition? To find our limits and push beyond them? For many, this idea builds strength and trust because we have a belief that this behavior allows us to “know we will always be okay”

I always wanted, needed, to be engaged in competition.

The truth is, that engaging in this cycle, actually hinders trust. Trust is built in honoring our limits, making generous assumptions, meeting our needs. NOT by being in constant competition with ourselves. If you find that you might be engaging in competition to build trust with yourself, I encourage you to examine how this actually plays out in your life, and seek out additional resources on self-trust.

2 - Acceptance, Nurture, Belonging

Is being competitive, engaging in competition, meeting a need of acceptance, nurture, belonging, or simply being noticed? FOR ME IT WAS. When I competed, through school, sports, religion, whatever avenue, I was seen. And for me, being seen was EVERYTHING. Being seen meant I was accepted, being accepted meant I was cared about, and therefore cared for. Competition met my basic human needs. From nurture, to housing, to food, to love, ext.

Competition was a symptom of scarcity and a solution for unmet needs.

3 - Distraction

Competition kept me busy; is it doing the same for you? It kept my busy, obsessed, focused on one thing. That one thing, was never about not having my needs met, how depressed, anxious, alone, or scared I felt as a child and teen. It kept me distracted from deeper fears of inadequacy, capability, and worthiness.

Relate?

If any one of these reasons for being competitive strikes a cord with you, it might be worth the investment to seek out support and dig deep. Move beyond the scarcity mindset. Learn how to meet your own needs, build strong self-trust, and shift your view of self.