Be Gentle with Your Body

The constant push that my body is not enough the way it is and I need to force it to fit into some arbitrary ideal is running rampant in our culture fueled by a billion dollar diet industry.

I know I am not alone. If I am experiencing this, so are you.

I am writing this, as my daughter sleeps, because I want to give you permission to be kind, be gentle, be tender with your thoughts and your words, this summer, and always.

1 – Avoid the Should’s

If you follow any blogs, or have ever attended therapy of any kind, you’ve probably been told to “stop shoulding on yourself”. I wish you doing that was as easy as it is for me to type. Try to substitute should with could. For example: I should be able to do that, becomes I could be able to do that. This turns your statement from one of shame and self-deprecation to one of empowerment and choice. Yes, you could be able to do that, and are you willing to navigate the sacrifices it takes to do that, or not? There is no right or wrong answer, just another way, a gentler way, to approach yourself.

2 – Change the Cannot’s

Nothing is more limiting than the phrase “I can’t” or “I cannot” (except maybe I am). The very second you say I can’t, you take away any choice or power you have to be an overcomer. You immediately meet yourself harshly and give no room to see just how strong you actually are. Another way to shift your language is to change your ‘I cannots‘ to ‘I don’t want to’ ‘I am not willing to tolerate / sacrifice’ or even ‘I’m not confident in my ability to do this at this time‘. All of these alternative statements give you power back. They put the situation back in your hands, and let you make a plan for how you want to approach your life. Limiting language is not gentle language.

3 – Allow Room for Both

Guess what, we are never going to be perfect. You will still find yourself saying should and cannot. It’s going to happen and that is okay. Being gentle with yourself is also about allowing room for imperfect. When you find yourself getting lost in a slew of shoulds or cannots, acknowledge the harshness and disempowerment of these words on you and your body. Then rephrase your statement with could, willing to, or not willing to. (It is okay to be not willing to sacrifice for something society or family thinks that you should).

4 – Encourage Grace

Allow yourself to offer up gentle, grace filled, language to those you love. There are soft ways to change others limiting and harsh language when you hear it said. Promote gentleness amongst your community and see the impact it has on you, and those you love.

Melinda is a licensed therapist in the state of Kansas, and works with individuals to build a healthier relationship with their mind and body. She works closely with those overcoming eating disorders, traumatic experiences, complex trauma, struggling through pregnancy or postpartum seasons, and in managing anxiety that we all face in life. To learn more about her check out her website.